Always “On”: The Cost of Existing Outside the Binary
- KJ Johnstone
- Aug 26, 2025
- 2 min read
I’m an introvert. I like keeping to myself, doing my own thing, and I deeply value privacy. I’m a human, and I’m entitled to that… right?
You’d think so. Sadly, that hasn’t been my experience.
Some people have the privilege of walking out their front door and simply being—moving through the world without being questioned, interrupted, or stared at. I can only imagine what that must feel like.
For me, the world is full of reminders that I don’t fit neatly into the categories it was built on.
Greetings: still defaulted to “sir” or “ma’am.”
Clothing stores: still split into “men’s” and “women’s.”
Bathrooms: still only two options, neither designed with me in mind.
Existing outside the binary means exposing yourself to other people’s rigid frameworks, whether you want to or not.
Every time I’m misgendered by a stranger, I’m faced with a choice: Do I let it slide, quietly abandoning myself in the process? Or do I correct them—and take on the emotional labour of explaining, educating, and justifying my existence—so maybe it won’t happen to someone else like me in the future?
I’ve made my choice. I correct them. Every time.
But here’s the truth: it comes at a cost. I always have to be “on.” I always have to be prepared. I always have to disclose things about myself to strangers I’d rather keep private.
And yet—I do it for my community.
I do it because I don’t want the next queer kid, or the next nonbinary person in line at the coffee shop, to feel as invisible or erased as I once did.
I hold onto the hope that one day, we won’t have to keep having these conversations. That one day, we’ll all exist freely. We’ll pee in peace. We’ll walk through the world without constantly defending who we are.
Until then, I’ll keep challenging small minds—with one-liners sharp enough to spark reflection, with the patience to plant seeds that might grow into something bigger.
Because every moment of discomfort I endure now is a crack in the wall for someone else later.
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